Created in Pairs: Mercy and Forgiveness in Marriage
Day 4: Forgive, For Allah Loves Those Who Forgive
https://quran.com/learning-plans/created-in-pairs
Reflection question: What would it take to truly forgive, not only because your spouse deserves it, but because you want Allah’s mercy more than you want to be right?

Today’s question is not an easy one for me.
Because its answer teaches me patience under the shadow of a uniform.

For me, true forgiveness does not arrive in a single moment.
It is born on the day I accept, deep in my heart,
that the person I am upset with
is the same person who tomorrow may place his life on the line
for someone else’s children.

At that point, my anger does not disappear.
It simply shifts its place.
It becomes smaller.

Being “right” is often easy for me,
because so often I am right alone:
alone in staying awake,
alone in holding things together,
alone in making decisions.

But Allah’s mercy is not granted for being right alone.
It is granted for bowing together.

And it is at this very turn that the Qur’an stops me and asks:

“Do you not love that Allah should forgive you?
And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
(Surah An-Nur, 24:22)

This verse does not tell me that my pain is wrong.
It simply realigns my direction.

It reminds me that the forgiveness I seek for myself,
Allah asks me about that very forgiveness as well.

To forgive sincerely, I have to remember
that my husband does not have control over every battle,
just as I do not have a choice in every loneliness.

We are both bound by our respective orders:
he to the borders,
and I to the home front.

Then there comes a moment when I say from my heart:

“O Allah, I am closing the file of my rights.
I do not want to win this argument.
I want the mercy
that You send down upon weary hearts.”

Here, forgiveness no longer feels like weakness.
It becomes discipline —
as precise and deliberate as military discipline.

And the most important truth is this:
I do not forgive because he was always right,
but because if tomorrow he does not return,
I do not want to leave any unfinished battlefield inside my heart.

So if I am asked what it truly takes to forgive,
my answer is this:

To remember that some battles are not meant to be fought in the heart —
they are meant to be laid down.

And I lay them down not because I want to be proven right,
but because I want to remain safe
under the shade of Allah’s mercy.

As Muslims, we should wish good for all people. Part of that is hoping that everyone be guided to the right path.

However, we see in the Qur'an that Prophet Musa (AS) eventually wished that Pharoah and his henchmen never accept faith, so they can die in their evil state and face punishment.

So where's the balance? Some thoughts:

Hoping that a miserable tyrant be denied guidance is not necessarily a flaw in your faith or goodwill. Rather, it comes from a sincere desire for justice for those who have suffered their profound evil. It's a reasonable reaction to the gravity of their crimes, and a longing for accountability - which God has promised.

The danger arises when we carry that same sentiment toward personal offenses. Wishing for someone to be denied guidance over a minor issue exposes your inability to move past a personal grievance. In other words, it isn't about justice, it's about ego. No matter how much you try to convince yourself you're being righteous. 

When we wish for disproportionate punishment for others while expecting infinite mercy for ourselves, what does that say about our iman? Spiritual inconsistency and entitlement. "Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love to be forgiven by Allah?" (Qur'an, 24:22)

The crucial difference lies in the "why." Are you standing up for the oppressed, or are you just unable to let go of a bruised self? It's a distinction worth reflecting on.



جَزَاكَ ٱللَّٰهُ خَيْرًا

Being a adaptable learner is essential. 
Especially with intention of deep-diving into the Qura'an as it is the start of something great. The change is a challenge, ensuring checking in to see that you are on the right path.

Another scholar mentioned this in a class as تقبل الله منا ومنكم or in other terms searching within for a pure purpose, intention. This can be as the scholar said transformational, it is control of the ego at the highest level. We are all a work in progress.

If we wish from our الله forgiveness, then we are expected to allow others the opportunity of stating the want to repent and determine that the As-Sami, Al-Gafoor الله hears there heart.

We need to remember we are not the judge of the heart of a person الله is.
So always leave a gap for a weary, or strayed friend to return to their الله and do not judge.

Sometimes we know the reality and right course but in the moment, maybe due to the lack of will power or emotions, the right thing is not exercised. Alhamdulillah we have a Forgiving Lord and when the sin is not normalised or make peace with and with istighfar we have hope. Sometimes there is hurtful interaction, it is difficult to forget the words. But a believers has a way to deal with it , one of the characteristic of the people who will have خلود permanence in the gardens of Jannah is that they control their anger and pardon people.

 Humans are created with emotions, the feeling are not belittled (the helplessness one might feel when someone with power hurts, arguments and words that linger on ). But a human is elevated beyond the emotion. Rather than to submit to the feeling, we are given a beautiful direction, forgiving for the sake of Allah Subhanu Ta'ala. Because we want to be forgiven by Allah Subhanu Ta'ala. 

Abdullah ibn al-'As reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Show mercy and you will be shown mercy. Forgive and Allah will forgive you. Woe to the vessels that catch words (i.e. the ears). Woe to those who persist and consciously continue in what they are doing. (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 380) 

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives another except that Allah increases his honor, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises his status". (Sahih Muslim 2588) 

Drawing boundaries with wisdom and good words might be important, to tell the other party what is acceptable and what is not, after all a strong believer is desirable. But dwelling on hatred is not the course for a believer, and forgiveness for Allah is important to move forward in life and shift focus to things that help us thrive in this life and the next. 

It is interesting that these traits are also highlighted by today's coaches for success in the personal and professional life. Just today there was a post on LinkedIn which referred self regulation as a consistent trait of emotionally intelligent person. 
But for a believer the benefits transcends this temporary world. It might be hard to let go, restraint in the face of pulse , it even may be a daily/weekly struggle for many of us, hurt and then trying not to be hurt, until Allah suffices us and get us out of the situation. Nevertheless doing it for the sake of Allah Subhanu Ta'ala is a foundation for a harmonious family, community, workplace, soceity and is immensely and perpertually rewarded.

This is a thoughtful reflection. What stands out is how you hold space for real human emotion without justifying being ruled by it, and then gently redirect toward forgiveness for the sake of Allah. The way you pair boundaries with mercy avoids extremes and feels very grounded. Linking prophetic guidance to modern ideas of emotional regulation also adds depth, while keeping the akhirah as the true horizon. May Allah reward you,Amen 

Draw Near

It was narrated from 'Aishah RA that she said:

'O Messenger of Allah SAW, what do you think I should say in my supplication, if I come upon Laylatul-Qadr?' He said: 
اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّكَ عَفُوٌّ تُحِبُّ الْعَفْوَ فَاعْفُ عَنِّي
'O Lord, You embody pardon, You delight in pardoning, so cloak me in Your pardon.'
Sunan Ibn Majah, 3850

Imam Ghazali wrote that 'Afuw' refers to the One who erases sins and overlooks disobedience. Similar to 'Ghafur' (forgiver), 'Afuw' carries a deeper meaning, implying not only the covering of sins but also their complete eradication.

When we seek Allah's forgiveness, we implore Him to expunge our transgressions from our records and memories. According to Sheikh Muhammad Muneer of Damascus, 'Afuw' also encompasses the removal of sins from one's memory, freeing us from the burden of past mistakes.

However, to receive Allah's pardon, we must cultivate forgiveness within ourselves. Just as we develop the capacity to receive blessings, we must learn to forgive others, releasing the emotional burdens that weigh us down.

As Allah says in Surah An-Noor,
 أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٌۭ رَّحِيمٌ 
Do you not love to be forgiven by Allah? And Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (22:24)

Dr Israr Ahmed, in his tafseer of this ayah quotes the response of Hazrat Abu Bakr RA that when he heard these words he said
بلىٰ واللّٰه اِنا نٌحب ان تغفر لنا ربنا
In fact, by Lord, we love you to forgive us, our Lord. 

So here we are, we seek not only forgiveness but also pardon, a more profound and expansive mercy that wipes away the very memory of our transgressions.

If forgiveness requires us to embody the trait of forgiveness, then pardon necessitates an even deeper transformation. What are the precursors to receiving such pardon from our Lord?

Perhaps it demands  that we confront the shadows within ourselves, the hidden recesses of our hearts where resentment, anger, and hurt reside. Can we learn to release these burdens, to let go of the need for retribution and instead choose the path of mercy?

Ultimately, seeking pardon from Allah requires us to embody the very qualities we seek from Him: compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. Because adopting the traits of a Beloved is a path to draw near to Him.

The night of power holds peace in it until the dawn, so let's try to absorb that peace into our hearts. let us surrender our emotions to Him, striving to forgive others, release the burdens of our hearts, and make more room for His presence. Let us draw nearer to our Lord

May we be blessed with the gift of His profound pardon in these sacred nights, where the veil between the divine and the human is at its thinnest. May our hearts, purified by repentance and illuminated by faith, become receptive vessels for the boundless mercy that flows from His throne.

How to Manage Your Expectations:
Step 1: Remove them from people.

Even if you feel that they do, no one owes you anything.
Everything you have belongs to Allah ﷻ.

When you forget this, you expect too much from people and this dunya and find yourself discontent with Allah ﷻ because of it.

Our expectations often reveal our true intentions for doing something.
To purify your intentions, give others what you hope to receive from Allah ﷻ.

When you give to others, expect nothing in return from them, just like Prophet Musa (AS) when he helped the women at the well. He didn’t ask for repayment but instead turned to Allah ﷻ and made the heartfelt du’a:

'My Lord! I am truly in ˹desperate˺ need of whatever provision You may have in store for me.' (28:24)

Recognize that people are resources, while Allah ﷻ is the Source of whatever you need.

When you give advice, don’t expect them to follow it.
When you give someone money, don’t expect them to repay it (unless explicitly agreed upon in writing).
When someone hurts you, don’t expect them to apologize.
When you post online, don’t expect validation or connection from others.

Instead, expect the rewards from your Lord—whether in this life or the next.

Anything you desire—love, appreciation, validation, forgiveness, mercy, provision, justice, peace, connection—Allah ﷻ has in far greater abundance than anyone else can offer.

'Do they possess the treasures of your Lord, the Mighty, the Great Bestower?' (38:9)

When you give to others what you hope from Allah ﷻ, you will never be disappointed.

A Quranic approach to healing.

#healing #medicine

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Especially Merciful,

What astounds me in Surah Yusuf is how people who have plotted with malicious  intent, who have been dishonest and have carried out evil acts have been guided  to seek forgiveness. Such is the Grace of Allah. 

After Allah’s guidance when does a person change? When the person stops faulting others but looks at his or her own shortcomings. Taking accountability. This is where true change begins.  

How does a person grow closer to Allah?  When he or she becomes someone who has a beautiful character for example they choose to forgive and not to take revenge, when a person overlooks, pardons, excuses their fellow believer. They repel evil with that which is good and better. This was  Prophet Yusuf AS. This was also Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him. 

Change occurs when we are honest and are concerned about changing ourselves foremost and not finding faults with others. Excellence occurs when we do all the things which Allah loves. These are not always easy to do, but they are a sign of a true and strong faith.

Sometimes challenging people are sent to lead you to excellence. May we respond the way Allah loves. Allahumma Ameen. 

#change
#ihsan 
#goodcharacter
#humility
#forgiveness&mercy

Imagine your daughter is slandered of the worst of crimes imaginable and rumours spread all across the community. You then find out one of the major protagonists is your close relative who you have been financially providing for, for many years. Can you even begin to imagine the pain and enraged anger you would feel? 

This is what Abu Bakr Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with him) faced. He understandably swore an oath to stop spending on Mistah, due to his joining in the slander against Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her). Allah then revealed this verse which included: 

'let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'

SubhanAllah! This type of beautiful tarbiyah is the foundation to the sahaba then going onto build the most illustrious and thriving civilisation human kind has seen. 

May Allah make us of those to whom forgiving and overlooking others mistakes come easy. May Allah make us of those who quickly focus on reflecting on our own mistakes when faced with others' mistakes. May Allah forgive our mistakes and sins, and wipe them clean from our books.

The ego, how hard it is... Abu Bakr Siddiq Ra. What a person he was. Subhanallah. How they defeated their ego. May Allah grant us to defeat it too. 

To forgive and forget are two separate things. We often find it difficult to forgive others because of the pain inflicted by them, and this could be due to a variety of reasons such as psychological or physical abuse. However, the more you get closer to الله عزوجل and learn about Him — the process of forgiving becomes easier.
 
When I think about الله عزوجل and how He knows about every single thought and feeling in my heart — despite my shortcomings, He is the most forgiving. As such, then, how can we not forgive His creation? It may take an unset period of time to overcome previous incidents, but we can take a first step towards forgiving those who have clearly wronged us from their actions.

 'The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.'Ali Ibn Abi Talib (RA)

May الله عزوجل include us amongst those who accept every single moment as His decree. Yah الله help us to become one of the bravest, strongest and happiest people. امين

Indeed this book calls to the best and most upright manners by setting the most difficult examples and telling you to let that be your standard. When Abu Bakrs RA daughter Aisha RA daughter was accused, MisTah RA, a companion, relayed some of those rumors. Abu Bakr then promised to never spend money on him again as he used to do. So Quran was revealed telling him to never stop spending on him and to forgive him the way you want God to forgive you, so how about with someone who did much less the spreading rumors on our daughter after having spent on them for so long? When telling us how to deal with our parents, he sets the worst possible example of parents who are striving to get you to not just leave your wife, or ruin your career, but to ruin your religion and your relationship with God which in turn will ruin you in this life and in the hereafter , and with that you are commanded to still be good to them, so how about parents who are doing much less than that?